just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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