I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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