is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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