i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
