my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
