Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
im holly from the hills drunk
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
