Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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