There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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