3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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