She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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