Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
