I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
