Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
