I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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