he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
