We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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