Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
