my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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