Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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