OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.