I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
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Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
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So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming