Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I would fuck him just for his dog