Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
This house was built for laser tag.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy