I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...