i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I want to walk on stilts...naked
why do cheetos always look like penises
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
