Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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