so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
