I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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