I just pynch a tree in the face
I think I won the penis lottery.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
