you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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