Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
