they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize