you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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