Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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