i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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