He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
