I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The feeling are messing with the penis
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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