I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
