I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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