I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
