and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
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My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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