I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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