i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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