Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
