How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
The uberlube is also flammable
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
