apparently the secret to your success is patron
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
