Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
