i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
