Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
