Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
