haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
