I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
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