I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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