Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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