Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
