Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I need to calm my uterus...
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
