I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
