im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
