you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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