I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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