Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
