It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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