I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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