I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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