Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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