Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
