Slut skills are useful in every country.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
