Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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