That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
