I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
