i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
