How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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