I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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