the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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