Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
