R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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